I have always been completely overwhelmed by the entirety of this world; I always felt this burden was mine alone. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't. Maybe we all feel this way - lost and juggling many thoughts and trying to keep up with the world and all there is so much expectations placed on us as humans - so much to achieve, experience and think about in a life time. A life time seems like a long time yet it also feels like so little time. I thought do other people over think life and feel this overwhelmed all the time.
All I do know is that this overwhelming feeling has made me stuck. There is a saying which goes something along the lines of: great things are on the other side of fear or the unknown. Feeling overwhelmed by the entirety of this world is both an unknown and a fear.
I was so consumed by this feeling that I couldn't bring my self to leap, to explore to dive into the chaos of this world and the chaos it ensues in my mind.
I have to stop running from it. I have stopped running from it. I took a leap. I have a job that I love but every day it scares me. I suppose that is a good thing ... there must be great things waiting for me.
I want to keep taking leaps. I want to continue swimming in my mind. This time to stay afloat in the chaos and not drown.
I have to learnt to accept that all this will not happen in any comprehensible time scale or it may, but I need to accept that it may not. I am growing more and more patient and content with the idea that we are dealt the hands we are dealt with for a reason.
Every day I get a tiny step closer to adventuring in the chaos in my mind. I will not run any more.
